Hello again, I’ve been told that I can’t call this a quote…for the real quote is lost. So instead it’s called a parody of a quote that-is if it existed..it would be read as This is a very ,very inexact quote- totally made up…so don’t quote me O.K.? “Sh…h…huh..be quiet…who’s that? What? You have nosy neighbors way out here in the boondocks? Hey, hand me my coffee and my plate of pie…my legs are cramping and this knife is getting heavy and I just want to enjoy breakfast without any interruptions…Is that even possible…? It isn’t very often I break out of prison. Do you have any ice cream for pie-a-la-mode? Chocolate…strawberry…vanilla…? How about whipped cream? Yes I know they are dangerous but come on shouldn’t I have only the best of everything since my time is ticking? Hey, my coffee is cold. I want piping hot coffee Now! not Yesterday…my time is drawing near …OOOOH …my legs ache…why did I ever think I could sit up here? Strange thing is I’ve been doing Hot Yoga in the Phyical workout room with a load of guys…it must be the stress and the jolts of caffeine from this coffee….But boy-oh -boy …does it every taste good …Where is the coffee coming from? We can’t get speciality coffees in prison. Columbia? Isn’t that near Mexico? I thought of going there first to escape scrutiny -after breaking out but I took the wrong bus and it came to Omaha instead of Texas. My Luck has sure fallen to the wayside…Hey what size is your husband for clothes? I’d really like to change out of this tell-tale green garb because it screams P-R-I-S-O-N!!! What he’s six feet 8 inches? He’s a gorilla!…How did you meet him? Oh…in college…I always wanted to participate in the higher education…but instead I went to the school of hard knocks…funny Uh? not really but I survived. Hey the phone is ringing…go answer it but sound -normal…..NO FUNNY STUFF. I always wanted to have my own personal phone in my cell but they always confiscate it when they do their room searches. I mean I only use it to talk to my girl not for drugs…so I don’t know what the problem is…. They make us stand in line outside of the cells in the common area and we only get three minutes -twice a month. How much can you really say in three minutes?…Hi …how are you…how’s your mom?…did you get my money to pay rent? …do you still… Beep…TIME IS UP! It’s a total pain in my derrierre. You know sometimes I don’t think they really care about our mental capabilities…how the dull colors affect our moods… how the drab…goop like food effects our social ability skills …Who wants to converse about our esteemed President when your stomach hurts because it feels like you just swallowed five nails and some mud mixed with clay covered up with green stuff to make it look healthy. I’ve even told them -I’m not supposed to be eating gluten and the red color 5…but do they really listen? I don’t think so. It just adds to the hardships of daily living in the prison system. Oh don’t look at me like I’m a murderer…I don’t do that…I just embezzelled 60 million dollars from a rich hedge fund owner that seemed to be running an scam himself…I got put in the slammer and he’s still out . Doesn’t seem fair. I got 16 years and I have to somehow reimburse his coffers with my hard earned money and he’s still out boozing it with all his clients and what do I get ? NOTHING. Life just ain’t fair. Sometimes I think my luck has just run out…I must be running low on my vitamins because this breakout sure is affecting my mood. You know B-12 is good for the whole body and your moods? I read it in the prison library. I’ve become sort of a literary buff . I read all the time. Nothing really else to do. We don’t even have cable there. How can I keep up with the new episodes of Orange is the New Black?…that really bummed me out. And I just heard the third season has been released. Hey do you have cable here? No? Crap! Oh well …this coffee is awfully good…your pie crust was bit dry…my aunt Jane makes Serviceberry pie that people would kill for…Literally!! Ummm I can just imagine how it would taste…now if I could just stretch out my legs …hey is that a empty super glue container on the table? What did you use that for? Strange my legs sure are bugging me. ”
This haphazard parody of a quote has been recorded -without his permission…but due to electrical shorting half of the parody disappeared . The movie the parady sort of came out of is” Alfred Hitchcock Presents -You Got to Have Luck. Season 1. Episode 16.