No. 94 Requests connected to….

The Exact quote is: ” Oh, coffee … that would be lovely.” The quote came out the the British Drama  LoveJoy Series 1. Episode 2.  ” The Sting.”

Things one can say when someone else is picking up the coffee ….

Can you pick up two boxes of Chocolate Eauclairs? Don’t forget the cream….

Could you prettty please stop and get my dry cleaning? It’s on the way… right on the street that the coffee shop is on…Can you ask if they got that spot off my blue blouse as well? And tell them they still owe me for the jeans they shrunk . If it goes over ten dollars -I’ll pay you in end of the month…O.K.? You’re a  such dream boat!

OH,  please get a- to- go container of real cream…I can’t stand the little shrunken creamers. Can you ask them as well for a dollop of honey so I can create a Cafe Miel for break…You’re a Peach! What ? You can’t ? Don’t you love me anymore? I thought we were best buds?

Oh jees…can you also stop at Lunds and pick up four all- cheese pizzas? It’s walking distance from the coffee shop.  A good work-out. You know can you also go the Deli area and buy some fresh mozzerella with a loaf of bread and of course the best and most expensive olive oil there is ….Oh…don’t forget the tomatoes..I’d prefer the heirlooms…if possible.

Can you buy  five  soy machiatos…two coconut dirty chais and an espresso  plus six blueberry muffins- we prefer the low fat version..Can you also buy three almond croissants as well…you are such a love bug!

Hey can you make sure the lids are on tight and nothing spills in the car? I won’t even mention last time when that smell invaded our car from the spilled milk…. I’m sorry I can’t come to help carry all the drinks…this is really important. You are such a Ducky-Poo.

OH…OH…can you stop at Target as well …it’s so helpful that you are helping me …yes ..yes the list is quite long…but you can save time by stopping in at Starbucks …by then you’ll have a cart and you won’t have to carry anything…. OH I love you soo much!

Oh I forgot can you also pick up the kids at the Daycare on the way….I know it’s a hassle but it would save soo much time… I’ll pick up the two older ones at their school. Don’t forget the diaper bag…I think we are getting low on diapers…could you possibly pick up a bag…I know I’m asking a lot…you know they call you Uncle Pee …they think it’s really funny.

Oh you are the muscle in my heart…you pull my strings every time…by the way can you pick up some bread, buns, brats, ketchup and eggs for tomorrow morning….You know I would do anything for you within reason…OH can you also buy salsa and chips …I love when our eyes meet…across the room….Oh yah…cheese…I need cheese…and please please don’t forget the coffee !

No.93 Coffee is an Elixir…

The exact  quote was  taken from the movie Case :” Coffee…No thanks! ”  A very small quote …but very important one.  Season 1. Episode 1.

Have you ever been at a party where the people on the couch facing you looked like they are all… on different planets?  They are all inflicted with the disease – Equal Distant Placement Syndrome. Also known to normal people as E.D.P.S.  Strangely enough, if one looks at the word “Disease” it basically means not at ease …which I believe is an important factor when viewing these human specimens. One needs to be extremely clinical when faced with this syndrome.  All three participants when measured- have  subconciously sat exactly 11 inches apart from each other. Please note also the placement of their feet. The two humans on the right side of the sketch have them placed exactly in front of their hips signifying general unrest. The third human near the door is leaning away from the other two. He is the only one who has grown a beard. We feel the hair on his face is extremely anti- social. Notice how his eyebrows are the largest of the three couch inhabitants….This one abstract factor can establish a synopsis that any psychiatrist working on a thesis would rejoice in. Why social settings and or parties tend not to work. Years of thought can go into the basic question of “Why not?” Very important. Please notice after more surveillance that -the woman in the middle has a somewhat vacant look in her eyes…we wondered if she was trying to communicate with her friends the futility of these two men. The man to her left reminds  her of a ewe she called Paddington  that she won six years in a row the first prize for Sheep at the the Rochester  County Fair. Fond memories but not ones that would make her heart beat irregularly. The other man reminds her of a past boyfriend- Harold… that couldn’t say the word “cotton candy “… She remembered how he would tremble and break out in  a sweat when she would bring up the subject. She was finding her thoughts to be ruminating- roller coaster style between the two men.  If we could of navigated her language center of her brain three words would of been shouted to the high heavens …This Party sucks!!!

Usually, with skill levels being addressed one can only access the idea that this party can still be saved from mediocracy. Games should be promptly brought out, rules read out-loud . Party participants should be surrounded with large bowls of Cheetos, Bugles and Chex Mex Mix.  Skip the alcohol. Only drink black coffee.  Just make sure no one -pours it into the bowl  of  Cheetos somewhere in the night thinking it’s a good breakfast food item . We have noted data that these kinds of munchies bring the kid out of every stern, stoic adult with minutes! There’s reasoning behind the Cheetohs and Bugles . Soon before you know it guys will have them in their noses and ears…They also need to show everyone within their visual vincity their orange tongues…With Bugles they go instantly on all the fingers ….Coffee to the thesis bound PhD student is an elixir. We have noted that high altitude coffee can  ooze the stern social skills into laughter.  While the mid to lower range coffees are  known to reenergize the legargic office workers into a mass of giggling, animated teenagers. Coffee loosens the soul and opens it up to interconnections with other humans.

Please partake.  Limber up folks…Have a cup of coffee.

No. 92 Fish…Dish…Swish…

The Exact quote is shouted  in a agitated voice :” Oi! This coffee -it rhymes with a ” P” ….fish, dish, swish! ”  This is how DI Rebus described his  coffee he had just sipped then he..quickly  spit out the rest of the coffee and in one swoop  tossed the offending cup of coffee into the garbage can. In total bewilderment DS Sioban Clarke his counterpart in solving crimes also tosses her unsipped coffee . The quote is from the Britiish Police drama series Rebus. Set 1. ” The Falls”

I think the literary world is awfully thankful Ian Rankin became a crime writer. Sometimes by chance, in the library I can find a whole shelf of his books. While researching him I also found that he’s written under another name- Jack Harvey. I can only celebrate the fact there’s more books in this genre. Rebus is one of his most popular characters . He almost didn’t become a writer . His parents wanted him to go into a trade while he wanted to study literature in college In Edinburgh. Then he went off to work- four years in London.While in rural France for six years -he started to really write. But his list of jobs should be mentioned …he worked as a grape-picker, swineherd,  alcohol researcher, hi- fi journalist, taxman, college secretary, and a punk musician in a group called the Dancing Pigs.  All these different work experiences probably just made him a more well rounded individual that after a while found writing made him more whole. Cool. Along the way he’s also written plays, graphic novels, documentaries as well as numerous books. He has a house near…J.K. Rowlings (Harry Potter books…,) Alexander Mcall Smith( The No.1 Ladies Detective Agency..) and Kate Atkinson ( also and well known author.) What I thought was funny was a statement I found saying Edinburgh had Detective Rebus and Oxford, England had Inspector Morse. Both detectives I would describe as cynical, world weary, hard drinking, known to break rules and always the womanizer. Interesting idea is that Morse is short for Morse Code and Rebus is defined as a puzzle. Using combinations of words and pictures. It said this way in latin…Non verbis sed rebus… means basically, not by words but by things. A real easy example is a picture of a  ape and a picture of an ax -which stands for the word
” APEX” .  A rebus is known as a gramogram.  His books are on all the continents-written in 22 languages.

I loved this quote – it’s my the most dramatic one’s I’ve ever heard.  ( picture of an ear plus a picture of a herd of sheep.)

 

 

 

No.91 A Spotted…What?

The exact quote is: ” Eleven spotted dicks and one black coffee…” The quote is from the movie series  Pie in the Sky.  Series 3. Episode 6.

So if you are a person that doesn’t know what a spotted dick is …don’t worry. I did a survey of 15 Minnesotans and most of them when asked- cringed. Five of them asked if it was some kind of sex toy?  Three asked if it was some kind of animal one would eat? One person who was going again to London, laughed and said he knew what it was…The remaining six looked at me as if I was deranged …a few of them slowly backed away and one asked when next I had an appointment with my psychiatrist?  To set things straight … Someone in the movie Pie in the Sky has ordered eleven spotted dicks …to eat…so one can only deduce that it’s some kind of food… Right? Dale, the guy that knew exactily what it was …said to me-in a knowledgable voice- it was a British pudding. It very much reminded me of something we made as kids at Christmas time called Plum Pudding. Both are made with suet, dried fruit and  currants . Usually, it’s topped with a custard topping. Our version of Plum Pudding we would set aflame with sugar cubes doused with rum. Afterwards we would eat it with a rum sauce. Delicious!  I don’t think my mom would of allowed us to call it a spotted dick…or a spotted dog or a spotted Richard. It would of been a great source of amusement to us…though I have a feeling she would of felt the “word-dick …” would of been inappropriate. No questions …NOT ALLOWED.

Out of curiousity, I wondered what else is spotted… there is the “Spotted Australian Cattle Dog.” This  dog was in the movie Babe and Mad Max movies.  It’s a great dog for herding long distances over rough terrain.  A hard worker.  We have spotted cows in Minnesota …the standing joke was that was where we got chocolate chip ice cream…but really a  Spotted Cow is a farmhouse ale created in New Glarius , Wisconsin. It’s only distributed in Wisconsin.  Which has gotten bars in Minnesota in trouble because they’ve  tried to serve it. It’s called-“Over the border”. Which I guess is a felony. Let’s see what else I can find while googling…S-P-0-T-T-E-D…UMMM….OH…a Australian Spotted Duck. Which is quite misleading because it originated in Pennslyvania, USA. A noted fact about them is that they love to forage…eat slugs, snails, sow bugs, Japanese Beetles and Mosquito Larvae in Ponds and puddles. Now this is my kind of duck.  Also there’s the spotted horse called the Appaloosa. These are the horses they have found drawn in ancient Greece and in Prehistoric European countries in the caves drawings. Shows how long they’ve been around.  Oh I know this spotted fact…Robin eggs are spotted  or speckled. There is also a Spotted Monkey but unlike its animalistic counterparts its a restaurant in Chicago  known for it’s Asian Mexican Fusion cooking.  If in Chicago, it’s address is 335 E. Franklin Street  .(312-285-2303) check it out.

 

No.90 I’m feeling frisky…

 

I feeling  frisky…tonight.

It wasn’t the whisky..

It wasn’t the gin..

It was the Cafe Miel

we shared with a grin.

Tonights soiree

brought with it

spectacular news!

Sean Spicer

has stepped down.

His dismissal

was grim.

Instead of chagrin,

he spoke of honor

and privilege

for serving ..”him.”

Six months for smoothing

out all the problematic

tweets…

Calming down the media.

Filling out the press secretary’s shoes..

While he ate crow pie.

Replaced by a man with a strange

nickname…Mooch.

“ I wish him well and I hope he goes on to make

a tremendous amount of money “said Mooch.

A strange thing to say.. as you wave -good bye

with one hand

While your other hand

pushes Sean Spicer out the back door.

Personally, I think it would have been

a horrible job…

for any personality.

May he’ll wake up tomorrow …

with the sun shining on his

front steps …a changed man.

An enviromentalist… a Progressive thinker…singing a new tune..

No.89 A Zombie wanabee…

The exact quote is : “He’s just getting a coffee- I offered to stand in for a few minutes.” The quote is from the movie series  of Commissario Brunetti Episode 7  called “Quietly in Their Sleep.” The author of all the books and movies is Donna Leon.

Really one should know that you can’t become a zombie in a quiet Monday morning kind of way where nothing ever happens -the sun is shining …the school bus is at the corner- off you go kiddies- kind of thing…NO…NO… It’s a mad dash through the street …zig -zagging…to the right…around that strange man  wearing an eye patch…to the left …a group of teenagers, carrying skateboards… oozing blood…It’s an innocent wave to your favorite neighbor Bob – today he seems oddly vacant in his hellos. It might be your heart throb who has  just entered the parking  ramp to give you a lusty hug only to feel a love nibble or is that a bite?….Oh hello …for a moment I thought it was Lucca.  No. Now that I think of it …that bite was different…sort of piercing!  OMG it’s a Ectoparasite! Noted in the lands of Minnesota as their state bird alias: the Mosquito. Drat! I’ve been bitten numerous times on one arm leaving me unprotected from the cloud of them hovering  above me.. News in yesterday’s Star and Tribune warned the population to be wary . Turns out their saliva is very close in compostion to the zombie’s saliva and their bites can cause irritability, rashes and diseases leading to partial death.  Lustily sucking out our blood with a vaccuum- hose like mechanism, they seem worse than any vampire on any late night movie. The mosquitos  are out on a 24 hour schedule to bite as many  Minnesotans as they can in one day. They live outside…they seem to never sleep. Ummm…could they be passing around the zombie virus ? The thought has left me exhausted with apprehension. I too, was bitten the other night…Pulling weeds..  Did you know that the father of Zombie movies just died in Toronto. His name was George Romeo and he was 77 years old.  He created a whole list of movies about zombies.  The classic cult movie -The Night of the Living Dead in 1968. Dawn of the Dead in 1979.  Day of the Dead in 1985. And Land of the Dead in 2005. Before 1968 we had big monster movies and super humans . Monsters like Godzilla and the swamp monster that would eat  alligators for breakfast. Also normal people that would lunge into a closet to do a quick change into a “super -personality” -save the world, stop the runaway truck kind of thing. So, after the first film “The Night of the Living Dead” – Zombies became the “in thing” and bell bottom jeans went out.…Just think how boring our lives would be without zombies. The guy doing the good deed in the sketch above looks a bit like an early stage of a zombie.  His skin is a little too gray for me. If the zombies could only remember that if they drank their designated  quota of coffee the deadly virus bite would be  struck down. It wouldn’t exist. We could require everyone to bathe in coffee to stop the ectoparasites from moving  viruses – from one person to the next. Soon the existing zombie and ectoparasites populations would dwindle to extinction.  Hooray…coffee has again saved the day…the world…and peace shall reign throughout the land- All because of a cup of coffee…Amazing!

Please note: Parts of this blog could be described as Fake News…please take the facts with a grain of salt  and always ask you mom if you are unsure about anything important.

No.88 The State Fair…

Being rejected is the oddest thing.

Dear Therese…

I’m sorry that…

you were not picked…

In irritation…

I took a catnap

of no sleep.

Then I went out to

stamp out …the

ceaseless  weeds.

Two big bags…

Muscle saturation

complete.

Brain still whirling…

Sadness still bare.

A sense of utter  despair.

 Incognito curator

will never know

how much work

went into it.

The frustations

that made me weep.

And still I finished it…

and sent it in.

To be led down

the road

of no access.

Rejection is never

sweet.

No. 87. Mocha Latte…

The exact quote is : “Well, can you get me a mocha latte, PLEASE.”  The quote is from the movie series Grays’s Anatomy Season 2. Episode 4. “Deny, Deny, Deny.’

Within reason, I believe that visitors in a hospital situation should always bend over backwards for their acquaintances stuck in that uncomfortable bed facing you as you enter the room. Think of it, every  fifteen minutes or so someone invades their supposedly personal space to check their blood pressure while stabbing them with a needles…Sleep? What is that?  It’s more like cat naps. After awhile any good natured person will turn into a growling bear. So if visiting a person in the hospital  please follow these requests…

1). Always talk in a melodic voice. It’s hard. Try for 10 minutes and then extend it to a half an hour. If you need to sing instead of talking go for it. It might bring on a comediac relief  spasm of laughter but it’s a noted fact that that spasm can hasten the healing process. Much better than medicines you can’t even pronounce.

2) Never bring up family problems in front of a person in a hospital bed. It doesn’t work at Thanksgiving or Christmas so why would it work now? If you even think you have your person captive …NO…NO…No… don’t go there. Remember when you were a kid and you really wanted that spotted pony? Remember how both your parents would promptly disappear after you asked the same question for the hundredth time? If you thinking now is the time to get your answer…Think again.

3) Yes, there is  a phone and a TV but this person is  trying to heal and  is literarily stuck in bed! With soo much time on their hands- it can be dangerous…Remember this person is on some kind of drug . All those anger management skills learned at work will be tossed out the window. The long forgotten vitriol will flow forth freely because really when you think of it this  person is  100 times more bored than you or me and why not created some action? Makes total sense to me…Don’t go there.

4) Always set up a scheduled drop off time of their favorite coffee drinks. Every two hours for a Mocha Latte….is a good choice. Some Doctors think coffee is the mecca of all healing. The caffiene spurs the body into healing mode at a quicker pace. The chocolate and whip cream might also uplift the mood in the room. All that snappish behavior will disappate. A melodic person will appear before you  asking for a harp…to strum and to sing angelic tunes…The world will be at peace…

5) A fruit basket might be nice and healthy. Just note: leave the wine, brie and baguette at home -it could  be confiscated by the head nurse.

6) Concierage service? Nail service? Foot and head massage?  Housecleaning service to clean your house before you come home…These things are important.

7) I might be booted out of wordpress.com for this one but I think the person recuperating in a hospital should have  a psychiatrist see them. Think about it …they just lost their appendix  and talk about trust issues!

8) How about a fresh set of clothes …the thing they make you wear in the hospital makes people weep…it never covers everything …and the design is so retro and blasé. If  they can put a bunch of men on the moon why can’t they redesign the hospital outfits…need I say more?

No.86 The grant…

A sip of coffee…

Images on CD…Check!

Resume…Check!

Title page…Check!

Now a swallow of caffeine…

Letter of Intent…

Leaves me…

Hesitant.

First draft…second…third…

Write with music on …

Write when it’s quiet…

How can I say …

what I really want to say…

Image list…Check!

References…Check!

But..

what if they change

their minds..flip flop

or move away?

I somehow cleaned the house…

Cleaned the guinea pig cage…

Washed the overdue dishes…

And whiled my extra time away…

Actual size…

OOPS..

Resize…Check!

 

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑