No. 114 Murder for coffee…?

The exact quote is ” Do you know…I could murder a cup of coffee.” The quote comes from the LoveJoy series.

What a strange way to say “I desperately need a cup of coffee.”…Anyone that says they are going to murder a cup of coffee shouldn’t be drinking it. They should be banned from all coffee shops world wide and be allotted to say soy milk-straight-unsweetened. Period. I know the man is trying to look suave and debonair …leaning against his Porche…like a movie star. Even the way he is holding his body…it’s like he’s saying”please take the picture from this side of my face..it’s my best side.” So I looked up what it meant. The examples given will give you a good idea. 1) Digging out that tree in the backyard yesterday was murder to my back. 2) Walking up 6042 steps to the top of the tower was murder to my knees.  3) I’m starving…I could murder a curry.  Makes sense right? Still I feel like an injustice is taking place when it pertains to my beloved  coffee. .

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No. 351 John Bolton needs help….

The exact quote is : ” I’m going to go jump in the coffee and make some shower.” This doozy of a quote was found in a movie called Candy Jar. 2018.

I could actually be this  woman in the illustration. Except, I’m a brunette. You wake up Monday morning in a complete  daze, sluggish and  drained.  Well…Of course! Yesterday was sucked up in a project that somehow just kept getting  put off.  It would always be at the top of the pile but for some reason..other things took precedence. But now it’s down to the deadline date – June 1st. I can feel it  looming over my shoulder with such ferocity that I can actually feel it breathing. The hair on my neck is standing attention..There’s now a continuous sweat beading on my brow. OH, WHY… OH WHY…. Did  I do this to myself?  Yesterday, was Sunday it was  supposed  to be the day of rest….Instead of nestling between my blankets I jumped out of bed at exactly 7:00 am.slamming my alarm clock into submission. For the next 5 hours I was glued to my chair …cutting out the words for both  screen prints . Then I had to add  more worry lines. Somehow his mustache started growing in dimension …four layers of color,,.grew into five. It was definitely adding to the visual weight of  the right side. The dilemma is: Do I readjust the problems …or integrate them into the print like I planned it originally… Ummmm…. A weighty problem to think about. Soon after lunch I took myself to Highpoint Center for Printmaking in Uptown. After you print a couple of colors you look back and cringe on just one small adjustment of the paper, at the last moment …before pulling the squeegee through. That one movement  has just thrust me kicking and screaming  into Readjustment Land also known as the OMG WHAT DID I JUST DO??? place. I noticed that John Bolton is leaning to the far right . Strangely appropriate but not appreciated. Like the woman above who clearly has misplaced her words…” I’m going to go jump into the coffee and make some shower…”My brain is fried. So I’ve decided to treat myself to a mocha at Dogwood before I set to work again. I need to jiggle my brain cells awake so I can  change the design some more before his body parts start  falling off the paper….

No.350 Vetting Coffee…

The exact quote is: ” That reminds me…I’ve decided to ban coffee and doughnuts…” This quote was found in the English Cold Crimes series called New Tricks. Season 12. 

Since I’m the boss of this office, I get to decide what is eaten in the break room. I’ve decided to ban all sweet foods like donuts, croissants, pastries, and especially those French Macaroons! My new boyfriend Marcus, is a Dentist and he agrees with me. All these sugary products are both bad for your waistlines and  your teeth. Now don’t even think of sneaking them into the office disguised as your lunch! And well…after a critical examination of how coffee  affects the quality of work in my office …I’ve also decided to ban that as well. Since the sweets will be gone …and coffee goes so well with them I thought both should be banned to make the transition into a healthier lifestyle easier. I’ve brought in a juicer for healthy drinks to energize you guys! There’s even a book on all kinds of drinks you can make and drink…I especially like cucumber and mint… If you think I haven’t noticed the long naps after lunch..think again. See this Chart …notice under your names how many minutes have been wasted sleeping on the job. See those new video cameras in the four corners of the office ..Well they’ve been keeping amazing track of time being wasted.  So, out of the goodness of your hearts you will be  putting  5 dollars in the till each week on Friday afternoon to help cover the costs of the fresh organic vegetables and fruit. Where are you going?  I..I …have to go and talk with the man associated with the murder that happened 20 years ago. Where do you think you are going? I have to go with him to carry his coat and  take notes….

 

No.349 Coffee Equals Energy….

The exact quote is : “Tea…Fruit juice…coffee! ”  This hefty quote was found in the police detective series out of England called Blue Murder. Set 2. Volume 2. Title: In Deep.

I think I’ve talked about it somewhere in my hundreds of blogs that  unfortunately many relationships between couples related to the catch the criminal world are doomed. It’s hard to really have a meaningful conversation when the murder of the day keeps creeping in. We found a headless corpse floating in the river this morning …Did you call the travel agency? Oh we caught the serial killer ! Can you take out the garbage? His body was cut into pieces…Judy asked us over for dinner Thursday night …Can we go?  In all the shows the boss above the boss is always breathing down their necks to solve the case yesterday…and not to make any mistakes!  See what I mean?  It wreaks chaos on any normal family with kids. This family has four children. The tiniest one is a baby. Remember Mary Poppins? or Sound of Music? Where the kids would in turn wreak havoc on the nannies or anyone that thought they could help the mother. In this show, Blue Murder the “Mannie” is a young man with excessive energy. He also burns the toast …trips over things…and only lasts a couple of months.  Poor kid he did try so hard, but as you can see the two kids are passing a devious look between them . What are they planning to do to this hapless kid?  It’s not like he has a magical umbrella like Mary Poppin’s did. He’s doomed. One thing, he’s really good at is making actually really good coffee. Which the mom needs each and every morning so she can conquer the criminal world …one murder at a time.

No. 348 It’s John Wayne !

The exact quote is: ” Listen …Do I do one tablespoon of coffee or two? ” This quote was found in the series called Project Runway. Season 5.

Do you know how being thrust into an alien environment can throw you into total turmoil? For example,  when I lived in Florence, Italy  I was sent to an art high school  next to the Boboli Gardens called Instituto d’Arte of Porta Romana. The Italian students would try to glean facts from me about American culture. It reminded me of the trivia games we tried to play as a family when I was a kid. I remember them asking me to name the Beatles…couldn’t do it. I ‘d say instead wasn’t one of them shot in the U.S.? Or I’d stupidly ask them …Wasn’t Yoko Ono also a Beatles band member? Or the name of the actor that played all the cowboy parts in all the western  movies ? Tall  guy…Big voice..Large head…Clueless..(Oh! I just remembered after 24 years!..John Wayne..) There’s something about leaving your life behind and taking on a whole new experience. For me, it was being in Italy …. lacking language skills, all the frustration of trying to learn as you lived was difficult. It fills me with empathy when other people from other countries attempt it in this country as well. After a while things you took for granted got lost…and were replaced with words in another language. Sometimes I would even dream in Italian! I learned how to cook risotto rice but forgot the water ratio to rice for plain old white rice. Pasta on the other hand no one can mess up so I was safe there. I’m the oldest daughter in my family…I could cook full meals ..timed to the “T” but when I went to Italy it was like I was a newly formed blob…Oh don’t forget everything is in metrics!  Drove me crazy! Like the woman above asking how many tablespoons of coffee, well in her own home in Chicago she probably makes coffee in her sleep. But at this moment she’s partially living out of her suitcase in New York City. She’s competing for the rights to show her clothing line through the show Project Runway. One month…32 days in a row. No days off. Three days per show. Intense frenetic energy surrounding each show …living in a hotel, sharing a room with another competitor. With almost no contact with her family . That would throw off your remembrance factor quickly. With all the thoughts churning in her head about buttons,  zippers and yardage…strangely enough she still remembers she has a secret stash of her own favorite coffee brand under her socks  in her suitcase. 

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No. 347 Driving While Intoxicated….

The exact quote is: “What is it?  Coffee with a hint of liquor…” This quote came from the movie called The Double Hour.

I wouldn’t do it. I’ve noticed lately on the highways and byways of Minneapolis and St. Paul a large influx of State Troopers. They drive a distinctly different colored car. Brown with bits of white with large black letters. You can’t miss them. They are usually flying by with their colored lights on. Which is stressful but I’m always glad when they quickly whiz by me!  Good idea! Go catch the criminals and forget I switched lanes without my blinker on…I think. Strangely enough, they always seem younger and in better shape visually when I gawk at them giving out tickets. It’s a strange thought of lusting after a State Trooper but I’ve actually seen a lot of cute ones! They also wear interesting hats to shade their smoky eyes…and grins  from the glare of oncoming traffic.  And really why would I assault my coffee by adding an alien liquid to it? Like the woman above in the illustration…she’s unsure if what she’s drinking is up to pare to her taste buds when it pertains to her morning coffee.  While to the invisible driver he might have decided  that the  liquor cuts the acidic flair in his stomach after drinking “His” morning coffee. Maybe is relaxes him …but we all know it’s a slippery slope… Just be aware that there are a lot of guys driving brown cars, wearing strange hats….giving out tickets that will make your car insurance person smile while creating a lot of sweat on your forehead. Not worth it.

 

 

No. 346 How not to get Murdered….

The exact quote is :” I’m still waiting for my coffee…” This quote was found in the movie series called The Chalet. Season !. Episode 3.

I would say with as much conviction as I can muster  at this very moment …That if you don’t want to get murdered…You must never …I repeat never face away from anyone! Always have your back to the wall. As with this young man in the kitchen even when cooking ..never tell the wall that you are still waiting for your coffee….In reality he has no idea who he  is talking to. This young man’s life is unfortunately deleted because when he was out foraging for wholesome edible plants …he was looking carefully at  the plant in  front of him. They snuck up in back of him. Caput !  See what I mean? Can you imagine how our world would have to change drastically?  To accommodate all the self-protection systems that we would have to establish to survive . We would have to rearrange the house. Everything would have to be moved. You could never look in a refrigerator…it would have to face a wall with a walkway in front of it and the real wall in back of your back. All the electrical wiring would be facing out to the world.  Even when brushing your teeth, in the morning  you won’t be able to brush and look into the bathroom mirror anymore…You will  have to take on a nervous terrier habit of doing circles ..first to the door facing your bedroom then full circle to face the shower area…if there is someone sudsing away in it…Have you thought about our  walk in closets? What about living rooms? Big windows….couches every which way… all chairs would have to be in an island in the middle of the room so everyone’s backs will face each other backs. Paranoia is a real phenomena and should be dealt with kid gloves. Houses actually are quite dangerous …when it comes to self-preservation. What friends you still have, when around you  will exhibit nervous laughter…furtive eyes and sweaty brows. Outside the house, you will find the world to be fraught with anxiety…everyone will want to be last in line. Think of all the delays…people always jumping out of line to move to the end. Those in front are either to fatigued  or are too busy in life to be bothered with it and that might explain  why they are gone today.  So, remember always take my advise seriously.

Alas this is what happened to me after I watched the murder mystery movie called The Chalet. The ending was eye-opening. The killers where gob-smack in front of me, so well hidden that I didn’t figure it out.  Very well done. I found it on Netflix.  

No. 345 Friends Over Foes?

Insert foot in shoe…

velcro it shut…

Open mouth…Wide…

and stick it in…

Humans have two feet…

Animals have four…

I’m embarrassed about

my “Yokel” President…

Ranting and Raving…

While forgetting …

The main difference

between two and four…

is self-reflection…

Thinking about one’s character …

and motives..

One thing missing

with our President.

How low can you go?

Calling immigrants …

Animals …Low class…

under the ruse..

of gang members..

Before you were “kind of “ voted in…

The immigrants were classified as ..

Rapists and murderers…

Even stranger ..how many of them

 own homes, pay taxes…

Have children…

Want to become citizens…

But our system won’t let them….

It’s strange how..

Some countries use

Head hunters …

For example with the Philipines…

But are they even vetted?

Others countries…are hunted down

thrown in Jail…by ICE.

It’s racist and offensive.

The world is only so big…

And it seems to be getting

smaller and smaller…

We should be making more friends

Not more enemies….

No. 344 When will this end?

The exact quote is: “Want some coffee? Yes. ” This hefty specimen of a quote was found in the movie called The Double Hour.

You know when you go to a restaurant and everyone else orders something different from you and you know the moment the plate is  set in front of you …You just got gypped! Everyone at the table is raving on how delicious their food is…handing out samples and you can only move the food from one side of the plate to the other?  Usually someone in your family even falls in love with my food pick and will beg to take it home in a doggy bag…This has actually happened. Last week I gave a ride to an actor in a play called Subprime at the Mixed Blood Theater. I was the one that thought it would be fun…did all the leg work..got the tickets…you know the drill. Even talked my daughter Anna into it. Funny thing was she actually liked the play, thought it was like a soap opera. While I winced and fidgeted through the whole performance. I kept looking for something on the wall in the far left corner of the theater.  It was a play about two couples from the Twin Cities…In the beginning of the play they seemed like they at least liked each other. At one point in the play I turned to my daughter and said that one husbands definitely talked and acted like a “Frat Boy” and got a bIg  Shsh! These two couples have been  neighbors for four years but as we see their “friendship” has only scratched the surface. With alcohol flowing, all their inhibitions disappear. Releasing secrets. Subjects of wife swapping, getting together for war games in the nude, losers are raped…drugs, raw memories of college and “losing it. ” Frat parties with date drug usage… An almost death of one husband after he beats his wife up on the stage. While the other husband gets arrested for trying to buy “coke” on the streets of New York. The other wife likes to have sex with men under the age of 18..She laughs at the word pedophile. .See what I mean? I kept thinking ..when will this end? What else can they add to the story line? Luckily for us none of the couples had “streaking ” issues and kept their clothes on! All these stories came  tumbling out in a hotel room…in New York City. It kept escalating like the volcano in Hawaii and the only way it was going to stop was a blow out. The undercurrents held stories of making bad business decisions leading to a lot of financial problems.Which became another “big secret” which both couples were trying hide . I think this play went for an hour and half. By the time we left I was exhausted. I felt like all I wanted to do was to sit down to a delicious mocha and tune out all the dysfunctional people in the world! Enjoy a moment of quiet. But I knew if I did, I’d be up all night going back and forth thinking about this play. So in the end, even my cup of coffee spelled doom…

 

If you love plays like this…Subprime is running through May 27th at the Mixed Blood Theater in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

No. 343 Wake up ! Look around…

 

Travel around…

Eyes open…

mouth shut..

See who really is doing the work…

Our world will stop …

If all the workers disappear.

Chicken prices will go up…

Factories will close…

Gardens once cared for…

Will turn to weed…

Teachers from the Philipines?

Turned around …returned home…

American Teachers paid appropriately…

Nannies from other countries…

Baby crying? That’s what a nookie is for…

Oh..No! Work-out schedule interrupted!

Dust collecting…

Sticky fingerprints.multiplying..

Dinner will be late…

Kids still undressed…

Breakfast not made…

Bummer!

Shirt collars won’t be stiff…

If your housekeeper or the dry cleaners…

disappear!

John Kelly’s remarks that …

low skilled workers …

Have no place in the U.S.

Seems drastically amiss…

Travel around…

Eyes open…mouth shut..

See who really is doing the work…

Our world will stop …

If all the workers disappear.

Oh no! Car doesn’t start…

Oh yeh..Taxi driver…

Another skin color…

Another language for sure…

You just might have to do your own work….

Your kids just might have to make their own beds…

Roof leaking…Oh that makes me feel sad…

Strawberries ripening in the fields…

Rabbits engorging themselves freely…

Cows mooing insistently…

No one to milk them…

Stores unstocked..Whoo…eee!

I see a pattern …Here!

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